Welcome to Thise Dam Journal

Dear Dreamscape,

Screw off. For the first time in months, I have a halfway decent, non-depressing dream to help me break from the bleakness of my existence, and you throw in a twist ending.

So I find myself in the role of a 'legendary hero' type. I do great deeds, and learn great lessons. I finally achieve greatness in my quests. Then at the last crucial moment, I fail. My failure is grand and epic in proportion, viewed by thousands of spectators. However as I fall, dying, one of the onlookers leaps forward and takes up my sword, felling the final enemy with a crushing blow.

The whole pre-determined reason for me, the legendary hero, was to fail and become an inspiration for someone else to succeed in my place. As I rattle off my last breath, I watch the crowd carry the young boy away on their shoulders, cheering for the true hero. And I just lay there, lifeless and alone in the dust for about ten minutes before I wake up.

Seriously, dreams. What the hell.

Love,
Sean

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! In February I bought porn for celes_fire (10 points). Last week I had a shoot-out with rival gang lords on the 5 near LA (-76 points). In January I helped akutenshi7 hide a body (-173 points). In March I farted in an elevator (-6 points). In November I gave jousterl a wet willie, then I took it back (-5 points). Overall, I've been naughty (-250 points). For Christmas I deserve a moldy sandwich! Sincerely, The_Slipdance

Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

Jouster, I want to know how that worked. If you tell me, you can keep the sandwich.

Dear holidays,

I hate you and your so-called 'hustle' and 'bustle', and the way you keep my phone ringing off the hook at work. Although if I can harness this rage against you, it will blend perfectly with exactly what you're keeping me too busy to draw.

Sincerely yours,
F off,

Sean

I know I've been online, I've been posting to your boards and journals, but yet I haven't been on the usual chat programs. There's a reason for this. I've recently gotten enough motivation to start work on a project. With any luck, that project should come into being around Christmas. While I enjoy spending time with you people, I know myself. I will throw myself at any distraction when faced with a big project. It's in my nature, it sucks, but as I said, I know myself.

I'm tired of talking. Not to you guys, but about what I'm 'going' to do. My friend Robbie has razzed me many times, and with good reason, about never doing what I say as far as projects. Well, I want to put a stop to that. And grow.

For those of you with Deviant accounts, watch my scrapbook. I'll be putting things there for review. I will want input, as much as you can provide, because I am learning, I'm growing, and for those of you with an artistic bent, I will need your input.

Thank you, and goodnight.

Although I wonder if he can stand up to Congress?

This is priceless. I know there are some of you out there who might not get the jokes, but I also know there's at least a couple people on my list that are going to be watching the last half of this from the floor.

In addition to addressing my long absence from AIM and mIRC, I'm also taking a look at refining my online image. That means I'm actually going to be taking a look at some of the long-neglected options on my LJ and DeviantArt pages. DA will come later because to do anything there you have to spend money, which is something I don't have much of at the moment.

The new title of the LJ is a reference to a comic idea I've had for some time now. Once I have all my supplies in one place again, I'll be taking a crack at entertaining you folks with it.

In other news, for those who don't know, I have moved again. During the move, either from my car or from my apartment, I had a few items stolen. Among those items were my cell phone and my work bag. My work bag was my old Laptop case that I used to hold my work headset, and paper, pencil, and erasers for doodling art while work was slow. That bag carried sketches and finished work from almost a year ago. This included vital character sheets for aforementioned idea. So hopefully this won't mar my forward momentum too much. I just hate the idea of having to try to re-create what's already been done.

So until next time, hail the Russian king of Japanese noodles! I AM SOBA CZAR!

All signs pointed to it.

Everybody talked about it.

Nobody expected it.

But now, it's coming.

Be prepared for the amazement! The enchantment! And what critics call the non-stop thrill ride experience of a lifetime!

Coming this summer, 2008...



are you ready?

Hello. Reports of my death are widely underestimated.

A few things have changed since I last updated you folks. Actually, one big thing that I can think of comes to mind. Bigger than even my split with Central Market. I have recentl-...what? No, I didn't get a social life and a girlfriend. I said 'change' not 'complete 180 life reconstruction'. Anyways, I think pictures could say this better than I could.



I doubt many of you have seen this, but I'm sure all of you know what it is. In January, I had severe neck pain. I still dunno why. But I couldn't move anything below my neck without it causing severe pain. Lying down, I was fine. Standing....kinda fine. Getting up from lying down? Forget it! Moreover, I kept leaning on my ponytail when I would try to raise my head. And...well...I'm not a screamer. And I screamed. So...off it came. 12 years growing it, the promise to myself that I'd cut it when I got my blackbelt in Taekwondo. All gone. So now I'm sporting a different look. I stopped shaving. Now I look like one of those people who you see people reporting about on TV. "He always kept to himself. We really didn't see this coming." Oh well. I've gotten comments on how it makes me look older, but, meh... I really don't care anymore.

In other news, my efforts to move out on my own have been stymied by a variety of obstacles, including but not limited to:

My previous rental property sent me a payment demand from a collection agency out of the blue, and now that they have my money, they're being as slow as hell getting the letter of confirmation back to me. I'm getting the damn payment reversed here in a day or two if they're not going to keep their end of the bargain.

The property itself has to issue a statement saying that it would rent to me again. But the people I get on the phone keep telling me that it's no longer their concern, it's in the hands of the credit agency. Whenever I ask for a manager, I get put on hold for about 20 minutes, then disconnected. I'm thinking of going over there personally, but I don't think homicide will help me get an apartment.

And to top it all off, my roommate got a THEME SONG stuck in my head. Neat show, awesome but catchy song. TOO catchy. Infect yourself here: http://video.aol.com/video-detail/world-of-quest-opening-titles/416362787

Of all my ambitions, they remain unfinished.

In all my efforts, they fall apart.

To those who love me, I seem indifferent.

Of those who rely upon me, I let them down.

And those who ask my attention, I ignore them.

I am fail.

Goodbye, kids.

I don't deserve a one of you.

To the chronic worry-wart...there is little more dreadful than the fear of having your actions or good intentions misconstrued. Especially when you have a knack for choosing from a very select list of the wrong words to say.

Also, on an honestly and truly unrelated note, do you think there should be a social statute of limitations where one (party A) should just consider themselves 'gotten over' after being out of contact for a certain period of time, and not try to contact former friends and acquaintances again, to prevent drudging up issues that the friends/acquaintances (party B) have gotten over and moved on from? I guess you could say that this stems from my being adopted, but it also has recent life events as well. Any of you that truly know me know that this is a relevant issue in my life.

Thoughts, impressions, ideas? Hit me.




....put the bat down.

*takes a deep breath*

Okay... thank you everyone who ignored my warnings and risked their lives to message me with your concerns.

Basically yesterday was a meltdown in a couple different ways. First of all, for people who I've been out of touch with for the last half a year or so....hi! To recap, myself and my roommate and his girlfriend moved into a rental house a couple months ago. The place is in constant need of repair it seems, but I'll get to that later. We decided that it would be nice to get Time Warner Digital services for the new house. Cable, Phone, and internet in one package? Wow, what a deal, sign us up!

...ho-boy. Hindsight, I tell ya.

When we first got it set up, the installers pawned off on us an ancient cable box that had only room for 2 digits. On top of that, we were given a cable modem the size of Galactus (witty movie/comic reference for double points). The thing had issues. Packet loss issues. And for a while we had them beat. But now everything is going out randomly again. One minute working fine, the next, a brick wall of latency hits you in the face. High-speed internet....when it works. We have someone coming out to take a look at it on the 16th, and hopefully they'll be bringing a new modem with them. Or whatever fixes the issue. Moving on.

I finally got a new job. I'm currently working with Brink's Home security, and for the most part, other than suffering the growing period, I'm loving it. The only issue is the hours. Training had me at your basic 8-5 shift. Haha..I say basic like I'm used to it... but I did get used to it over the six weeks. Now I'm back on 3:15pm - 1:45am. Ten hour shifts, but I get three days off a week, plus a pay bonus for the late hours. Once I get past the whole 'waking up at 9AM in a panic cause I think I'm late' phase, the job should be pretty awesome.

So to recap, retraining your body to wake up at a different time and length of hours can be a little stressful.

Okay, so on this past Saturday, we noticed that there was a leak coming from the upstairs master bedroom which currently nobody is using. Long story short, we had to stop using the air conditioner upstairs until the property owner could make it out. Tuesday they finally were able to come. Meanwhile I'm sweating my ass off, unable to open windows because they never bothered to return to fit my windows with new screens. I had a choice to either fry or be eaten. I opted for the first choice the first couple days, then slept downstairs on the couch for Monday night.

So Tuesday, as the repairmen are at the house, I hear the garbage truck coming down the alleyway. We had an issue when we first moved in that the garbage would be left behind if you didn't leave it in exactly the right spot. We had an overflowing garbage can that was ripe within a few weeks. In fact, I think the garbage has only been picked up twice in the time that we've lived here. Well, I put out the garbage before the truck got there, wheeled my little bin out to the curb as far as I could without obstructing traffic and went back inside. I glanced out the window a few minutes later to see the truck pulling away past the house, so I thought I'd check to see if they'd picked up the garbage when I wasn't looking. No. They hadn't. By this time, the truck had disappeared around the corner and I attempted to wheel the bin after them and and demand that they took it, and I finally got a block or two when I realized that I wasn't going to catch up with them. I was furious. Stupid, lazy Dallas board of sanitation.

Everything that had been going wrong so far came to a boiling point. I came back in and started to fill out a missed trash pickup form...but then I stopped. Nobody checks that. It's just to appease the little people, otherwise, why would they not be back to us in less than seven days? So I stopped and instead typed up a rant here instead.

And now you know the rest of the story....good day.

I need to lie down before work. x.x Headache of doom. But at least I can do it in my air-conditioned bedroom now.

I temporarily hate everyone and everything. The list toppers are as follows:

Time Warner Cable.
Lazy People.
Roaches.
Roaches fed by people leaving food out.
Rats.
Rats fed by people leaving food out.
Time Warner Cable.
Stupid People.
Dallas Department of Sanitation.
Sanitation workers that leave your garbage for weeks on end.
City functions that won't take care of you until you threaten them with legal action.
Leaky air conditioners.
Leaky air conditioners that leak through the ceiling.
Water damage caused by leaky air conditioners that leak through the ceiling when used.
Hot, upstairs bedrooms.
Hot, upstairs bedrooms with no A/C.
Hot, upstairs bedrooms with no A/C and no fans.
Hot, upstairs bedrooms with no A/C and no fans and no window screens.
Getting eaten alive by bugs.
Realty companies that won't make a repair until you threaten them with legal action.
Being hot. And sweaty. And cranky. And headachey. And filled with more emo rage than Spiderman 3.

No touchy.



I said NO.



*Snarl*
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A warning: If you fill a cup with more than it can hold, it will spill over. If you weigh a foundation down with more than it can bear, it will crumble. If you put too much faith in something, it is bound to be broken.

I have been approached with a job offer. As of May 07, 2007 I'm scheduled to start employment. I don't want to say much more on the subject for fear of jinxing myself, but I feel I should say something as a duty to those who worry about me.

...

..which raises another topic.

For those of you who aren't aware of this by now, I feel I should come clean. I am a chronic abuser of people. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. I've never claimed to fully understand how my own mind works, but I've done some serious pondering over the course of the past month or so.

I AM GOING TO BE VERY HONEST IN THE FOLLOWING POST. Nothing will be sugar-coated, no apologies given, and for those that choose to read on, I will not be surprised if I have less friends for my trouble. I will not blame anyone for this, since my revelations have disgusted me as well...
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You have been warned...
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Why do I isolate myself? Sometimes I am stripped of a couple of the usual methods of communication with people. Boo-hoo, there is no hope. Oh wait, there is. If, for example, AIM doesn't work on my computer, I could name multiple versions of online communication that could be used. I'm not stupid. I dare go as far to say I have a slight glimmer of intelligence. There are multiple ways to keep in contact, yet like Man in the Sistine Chapel, I recline on my ass, barely extending a finger as my friends extend their whole being into trying to reach me. I am wholly undeserving of the attention I throw back into their face, because I choose to stay isolated. I've done some thinking, and here are possible reasons I can come up with.

I) I'm self-centered. My reasons for everything I do are self-gratifying. Even when I'm nice to others, it's so I can think of myself as a good person. Also, I've come to realize that my memory isn't as bad as I claim. I can remember things pertaining to ME just fine. I've noticed that it's details about others that I tend to forget. They're outside of myself; thus, secondary. When I get depressed, I 'need time alone'. Translation: My petty troubles are more worthy of my attention than my friends, leave me alone.

II)It makes me feel important. - I am an attention whore, but I want it on my terms. This falls under 'mind games', I think. Remember those multiple ways that I could get online? Why? Why don't I use them? Simple: it makes me a rare commodity. The less there is of something, the more precious it's treated. I love to have people gush over me, as it makes me feel special and important. However, what this doesn't account for is the emotional distress this causes for people who genuinly care for me. So you see, I care more about the attention than the people giving it to me. This is where the 'whore' part comes in. Caring more about the act than those who give it. Sounds to be a fairly accurate description to me.

So, there you have it. I would rather languish in my own misery alone than be helped out by my friends. I do grab snippets of attention when the lonliness is too much to bear, but then I quickly sink back into my solitude, sated for the time being. For he who is self-serving, perhaps its best he be by himself. ...oh, and while I'm airing dirty laundry, I have a small penis.

I have made it through over 8 interveiws with no job offers. I am indeed special. And by special, I mean inherantly flawed. Does anyone want to buy my liver? I'm putting it up on E-bay to pay rent in a couple weeks.

I have 7 job interviews this week. Hopefully less. In other news, I heard a song on the radio today....


Maybe I didnt treat you quite as good as I should
Maybe I didnt love you quite as often as I could
Little things I shouldve said and done, I never took the time
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Maybe I didnt hold you all those lonely, lonely times
And I guess I never told you, Im so happy that youre mine
If I made you feel second best, Im so sorry, I was blind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasnt died
Give me one more chance to keep you satisfied
Satisfied

Little things I shouldve said and done, I never took the time
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasnt died
Give me one more chance to keep you satisfied

You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind
You were always on my mind

Maybe I didnt treat you quite as good as I should
Maybe I didnt love you quite as often as I could
Maybe I didnt hold you all those lonely, lonely times
And I guess I never told you, Im so happy that youre mine

I was dragged out of my apartment today under the threat of being duct taped to the ceiling if I did not comply. I ate soup, water, an assload of free crackers, and ice cream. At the local store, I found and adopted (bought, if you must) a plush ferret. I have narrowed it down to either Lamington or Mr. Wigglebutt. I have yet to decide. ^-^

In an amazing turn of events, all non-executive jobs seem to be filled, and the American economy is chugging along like a well-oiled machine. God bless America! (Unemployed poor people, get out!)

You know, I could make this really convincing yet bogus April Fool's post on how awesome my life has become and everything rocks now....

...but you wouldn't buy it. Not in a million years.